Revision is more than just correcting grammatical errors. Re-vision means re-seeing the entire essay, thinking it out again to see if there are sections that could be rewritten for better clarity, whether more concrete detail would aid the paper's purpose, whether you have extraneous material that you could delete for better conciseness, whether each sentence accomplishes its goal, each work is precisely correct. Keeping your purpose in mind, ask yourself, does each sentence help accomplish that purpose?
In order to help you develop the tools to evaluate your own paper critically, you will be doing a series of revision exercises on other students' papers. It is always easier to see how someone else could improve than to admit that you need to improve. But remember, like with learning how to play tennis, you are learning how to develop your own skills in order to be critical about your own papers. Only when you know what is good about your own paper and what could be improved are you in a position to successfully revise. And it is equally important to know what is good as it is to be able to identify areas to improve, and especially areas in which you have committed writing errors.
Answer all these questions about the narrative essay you are evaluating. You may copy and past this form into a your word processor and allow extra spaces between each question for your answer. Do not forget to include the three strengths and three areas to improve.
Evaluation of narrative essay:
Number of essay ______ Your number _______
Content of essay
1) Was the thesis clearly stated in the last paragraph?
What was the thesis as you understood it?
2) How does the story illustrate the thesis?
3) What is the climax of the story? How do you know this is the turning point?
4) What details does the author give about the story, expecially about the climax?
Structure of story
5) Is the story presented in a logical order? What is that order? (chronological? beginning at climax and then flashback?)
6) Is anything out of logical order?
7) Are there any details you would want included? Any that you think are extraneous?
Grammar
8) Are all sentences logical and error free? What kinds of errors did you mark?
9) What proofreading, spelling, or punctuation errors did you mark?
On the essay itself, please list 3 strengths of the essay, and 3 areas to improve.
For person analysis paper, submit two copies, one clean copy to be graded, one copy on which you have labled the following:
1) Underline and put in bold your Thesis Lable your thesis In the margin with the word "Thesis." Be sure you do this in both your introduction and conclusion paragraphs. Compare the two statements to make sure they mean approximately the same thing. Make sure they both answer the assignment for the person analysis topic. At the end of your paper write "I have checked my thesis statements, and they are both clear.’"
2) Underline all Topic Sentences. Lable them "Topic Sentence #1", etc. At the end of the paper, write a sentence which states, "‘I have a good topic sentence for each of my body paragraphs."
3) If you use an organizational principle in your introduction, lable your points to discuss as "#1 point #2 point," etc. Are they developed in order of importance or some other logical order? Is there a better structure you could use? Check to make sure your topic sentences are developed in the same order In the paper as you use in your introduction. At the end of your paper, write a sentence which states, "I have checked my organization and It is clear and logical."
3) Put all concrete specificity in italics within your paper. Lable it in the margin "Concrete and Specific." At the end of your paper, write "I have concrete and specific examples to support each of my paragraphs.’"
4) Check each papagraph, reading each sentence separately. Is the paragraph unified? That is, does it stick to just one topic, the topic mentioned in the topic sentence? Are there good transitions within and between paragraphs? If so, write "I have checked my paragraphs and they are unified and coherent."
5) Proofread your paper thoroughly. Ask me about any sentences or grammar rules you think might be in question. At the end of your paper, write "I have proofread my paper and guarantee that there are no major logical sentence level errors, and that the entire paper is relatively free from grammar errors."’
If you can do all this, write "I guarantee this paper Is at least worth a "C."
If you are going for an "A"" or a "B," then also do the following:
In a sentence of your own, tell me how you have tried to work for an "A" or a "B." What is unique or new about your approach? How did you create interest? How are your examples particularly vivid? What is profound about your topic? How did you try to make your form enhance your content? You did not have to do all these things, but the more you did try, the better your chances for an "A" or a "B." Write "This paper should be worth an ""A’" or a ""B" because . . ." and then list your reasons.
Person-analysis evaluation form:
Essay Evaluation
Use this scale in evaluating the essay:
6 = excellent; clearly superior throughout
5 = very good; effective in most areas
4 = acceptable; satisfactory level of competence
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
3 = unsatisfactory; weak
2 = poor; serious weaknesses
1 = severe problems in writing or reading comprehension
or does not answer the assignment
You should always give a reason for assigning a specific evaluation number,
especially if it is a 3 or lower, but also if it is a 5 or 6 because you should
know what is done well and why also.
For overall content, evaluate the following areas. Then in the space under each
evaluation, identify what is particularly good or poor about the essay:
Clear thesis and consistent stance _____
_________________________________________________________________
Clear, logical organization _____
_________________________________________________________________
Clarity of presentation and thought ______
_________________________________________________________________
Attention-getting opener _____
_________________________________________________________________
Sufficient specific, appropriate support ______
_________________________________________________________________
Smooth, logical transitions _____
_________________________________________________________________
Effective command of language _____
_________________________________________________________________
Effective conclusion _____
_________________________________________________________________
Evaluate each body paragraph separately for the following:
Logical structure _____ (P1) _____ (P2) _____ (P3) _____ (P4)
Unity _____ (P1) _____ (P2) _____ (P3) _____ (P4)
Coherence (transitions) _____ (P1) _____ (P2) _____ (P3) _____ (P4)
Full development _____ (P1) _____ (P2) _____ (P3) _____ (P4)
Evaluate sentences separately (as a group), use only 1-4 as grading scale
No weak, unclear or incorrect constructions _____
No unnecessary passives, redundancies, or other wordiness _____
Sufficient variety, no choppiness _____
Proofreading (1-4 possible) _____
Over all (1-6 possible) _____
What are three strengths of the essay?
What are three areas which could be improved?
Here is an example of rethinking a paragraph, not just correcting the grammatical mistakes. Paragraph 1 is the original student paragraph. Paragraph 2 corrects the grammatical errors. Paragraph 3 picks up on the masculine/feminine idea and revises the paragraph. Paragraph 4 polishes the revision of 3.
The most important, and interesting part about this pot is its texture. It is what makes this pot not just voluptuous and delicate, but masculine as well. The outside is very rough and rugged, much like men try to be. But the whole pot is not like this. The inside is very smooth and delicate because it was glazed. If someone were to close their eyes and touch this pot, they would think they are touching a very rough piece of sand paper. It gives of a manly essense because the glaze was left off on the outside; however, it was glazed on the inside. This so it can serve two purposes. Not only it is a piece of art, but it can hold water and flowers or whatever looks good at the time. Due to the masculinity and the purposeful details of the pot I have grown to like it.
The most important and interesting part about this pot is its texture. It is what makes this pot not just voluptuous and delicate, but masculine as well. The outside is very rough and rugged, much like men try to be. But the whole pot is not like this. The inside is very smooth and delicate because it was glazed. If someone were to close his eyes and touch this pot, he would think he is touching a very rough piece of sand paper. It gives off a manly essense because the glaze was left off on the outside; however, it was glazed on the inside. It can thus serve two purposes. Not only is it a piece of art, but it can hold water and flowers or whatever looks good at the time. Due to the masculinity and the purposeful details of the pot, I have grown to like it.
The texture of this pot looks masculine and rugged at first. When first grasped, the rough and gritty outside feels as tough as some men try to be. The natural gray-brown clay gives the pot a manly essense, natural and earthy. But like a sensitive 90's man, the dark brown glazed inside is very smooth and delicate. This smoother, softer feeling interior is hidden at first and only revealed after the rougher exterior is accepted and selected. For this masculine pot can also function in a more feminine way: as an almost-pregnant looking recepticle for ferns or flowers. The texture of this pot makes it not just masculine but voluptuous and delicate as well. Due to the androgynous feel of this pot, I have grown to like it.
The most important and interesting part about this pot is its texture. Its texture looks masculine and rugged at first. When first grasped, the rough and gritty outside feels as tough as some men try to be. The natural gray-brown clay gives the pot a manly essense, natural and earthy. But like a sensitive 90's man, the dark brown glazed inside is very delicate and smooth. This smoother, softer feeling interior is hidden at first and only revealed after the rougher exterior is selected and accepted. For this masculine pot can also function in a more feminine way: as an almost-pregnant looking recepticle for ferns or flowers. The texture of this pot makes it not just masculine but voluptuous and delicate as well. Due to the androgynous quality of the texture of this pot, I have grown to like it.
Art analysis evaluation form:
Evaluation of Essays
Point values: 4 pts = outstanding/
superior
3 pts = strong/above average
2 pts = adequate/average
1 pt = weak/below average
0 pts = unacceptable/failed/non-existent
Scale: 18-20 = A
13-17 = B
8 – 12 = C
5 – 7 = D
0 – 4 = F
Put XXX next to any item which indicates
deficiency – ESPECIALLY WORK ON
THIS
Put AAA indicates excellence –
ESPECIALLY GOOD WORK HERE
1. PURPOSE ___4 ___3 ___2 ___1___0
Overall: Paper responds to topic and/or aim and length asked in assignment.
Title: appropriate for subject of paper and focus; sounds interesting
Introduction: lead in arouses interest, is appropriate, and gives background
context for clarity;
thesis statement has controlling idea establishing clear focus for whole paper;
set up is given for major aspects/points to be developed
Body: development of overall controlling idea maintained throughout
Conclusion: connection is made back to overall idea and its significance
2. ORGANIZATION ___4 ___3 ___2___1 ___0
Overall: paper responds to pattern of organization asked in assignment, if
given;
Points in body relate to overall thesis;
Points are presented in logical and appropriate sequence;
Points are given balanced amount of development
Paragraphs in body: each is focused on one mail point, having a topic sentence
with a controlling idea
Support connects to topic sentence and has logic to sequence presented.
Transitions: connection of ideas is made between paragraphs
Connection is made between aspects of development within paragraphs to create
smooth flow of thought.
3. CONTENT ___4 ___3 ___2 ___1___0
Paper responds to assignment and reflects understanding of material.
Thesis not superficial or obvious about topic but shows thought, maturity, and
perceptiveness.
Points for development divide overall idea into significant aspects.
Development of each point has depth, going past generalities to specifics of
background, reasons, analysis, evidence, including quotes as appropriate, and/or
examples or illustration for support, clarity, informativeness, and interest.
Basis of authority for statements is made clear, including us of personal
experience and/or outside sources, as appropriate.
3. STYLE ___4 ___3 ___2 ___1 ___0
Paper responds to assignment for intended audience and tone.
Opening tries to catch interest.
Paper overall reflects voice of person who wrote it, showing interest and
involvement of writer and not sounding mechanical;
tone is not flat but maintains interest throughout.
Audience for paper is treated with respect
Thesis and set up are stated as assertions about the topic to show what
will be developed and not made as mundane statements about the writers or
the paper as such. (For this assignment, I choose to write on. . .)
Dominant tone is reasonableness, avoiding over-emotionalism; tone is
consistent
Flow of ideas is smooth and engaging.
Wordiness is avoided
Sentences have variety of structures for rhetorical effectiveness and interest
and are smooth flowing and effectively worded
Imagery is created often and appeals to variety of senses
Cliches are avoided
Diction is accurate and appropriate for purpose of paper and assumed
audience.
Quotes are worked in smoothly.
Quotes include appropriate amount; not too many long ones nor too much in any
one, nor too many altogether
Final sentence gives paper a finished sound.
4. TOTAL IMPRESSION ___4 ___3 ___2___1 ___0
Paper responds to all aspects of assignment.
Everything works together effectively
Paper has overall pleasing appearance.
Paper maintains interest and informativeness or persuasiveness, as
appropriate, throughout
Mechanics do not seriously distract
5 MECHANICS ___-1 ___-2 ___-3___-4
Each major error or combination of five minor errors in standard English
spelling, punctuation, and grammar will result in a minus point
Major errors involve any of the following: sentence fragment, comma splice or
run-together sentence, dangling modifier, subject-verb agreement error, pronoun
case or agreement error, incorrect use of common homonym (such as its and
it’s)
Also distracting from the paper’s merit are any of the following: Careless
typing or not using spell checker, or reliance on spell checker which allows
homonym errors to go unnoticed. Lack of title Margins too wide or too narrow Not
double spaced No page numbers Lack of proper format for quotes used and
documentation of sources
