Act IV Scene I The forest

Act 4 scene 1

	Act IV Scene I The forest.
	[Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and JAQUES]
JAQUES	I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquainted with thee.
ROSALIND	They say you are a melan- choly fellow.
JAQUES	I am so; I do love it better than laughing.	5
ROSALIND	Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.
JAQUES	Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.	10
ROSALIND	Why then, 'tis good to be a post.
JAQUES	I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation, nor the musician's, which is fantastical, nor the courtier's, which is proud, nor the soldier's, which is ambitious, nor the lawyer's, which is politic, nor the lady's, which is nice, nor the lover's, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry's contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness.	15 20
ROSALIND	A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason to be sad: I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men's; then, to have seen much and to have nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands.	25
JAQUES	Yes, I have gained my experience.
ROSALIND	And your experience makes you sad: I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad; and to travel for it too!	30
	[Enter ORLANDO]
ORLANDO	Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind!
JAQUES	Nay, then, God be wi' you, an you talk in blank verse.	35
	[Exit]
ROSALIND	Farewell, Monsieur Traveller: look you lisp and wear strange suits, disable all the benefits of your own country, be out of love with your nativity and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are, or I will scarce think you have swam in a gondola. Why, how now, Orlando! where have you been all this while? You a lover! An you serve me such another trick, never come in my sight more.	40
ORLANDO	My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.	45
ROSALIND	Break an hour's promise in love! He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of the thousandth part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' the shoulder, but I'll warrant him heart-whole.	50
ORLANDO	Pardon me, dear Rosalind.
ROSALIND	Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight: I had as lief be wooed of a snail.	55
ORLANDO	Of a snail?
ROSALIND	Ay, of a snail; for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head; a better jointure, I think, than you make a woman: besides he brings his destiny with him.	60
ORLANDO	What's that?
ROSALIND	Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be beholding to your wives for: but he comes armed in his fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.	65
ORLANDO	Virtue is no horn-maker; and my Rosalind is virtuous.
ROSALIND	And I am your Rosalind.
CELIA	It pleases him to call you so; but he hath a Rosalind of a better leer than you.	70
ROSALIND	Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humour and like enough to consent. What would you say to me now, an I were your very very Rosalind?	75
ORLANDO	I would kiss before I spoke.
ROSALIND	Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were gravelled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are out, they will spit; and for lovers lacking--God warn us!--matter, the cleanli- est shift is to kiss.	80
ORLANDO	How if the kiss be denied?
ROSALIND	Then she puts you to en- treaty, and there begins new matter.	85
ORLANDO	Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?
ROSALIND	Marry, that should you, if I were your mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.	90
ORLANDO	What, of my suit?
ROSALIND	Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit. Am not I your Rosalind?
ORLANDO	I take some joy to say you are, because I would be talking of her.	95
ROSALIND	Well in her person I say I will not have you.
ORLANDO	Then in mine own person I die.
ROSALIND	No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person, videlicit, in a love-cause. Troilus had his brains dashed out with a Grecian club; yet he did what he could to die before, and he is one of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year, though Hero had turned nun, if it had not been for a hot midsummer night; for, good youth, he went but forth to wash him in the Helles- pont and being taken with the cramp was drowned and the foolish coroners of that age found it was 'Hero of Sestos.' But these are all lies: men have died from time to time and worms have eaten them, but not for love.	100 105 110
ORLANDO	I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind, for, I protest, her frown might kill me.	115
ROSALIND	By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come, now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition, and ask me what you will. I will grant it.
ORLANDO	Then love me, Rosalind.	120
ROSALIND	Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all.
ORLANDO	And wilt thou have me?
ROSALIND	Ay, and twenty such.
ORLANDO	What sayest thou?	125
ROSALIND	Are you not good?
ORLANDO	I hope so.
ROSALIND	Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing? Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us. Give me your hand, Orlando. What do you say, sister?	130
ORLANDO	Pray thee, marry us.
CELIA	I cannot say the words.
ROSALIND	You must begin, 'Will you, Orlando--'	135
CELIA	Go to. Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?
ORLANDO	I will.
ROSALIND	Ay, but when?
ORLANDO	Why now; as fast as she can marry us.	140
ROSALIND	Then you must say 'I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.'
ORLANDO	I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.
ROSALIND	I might ask you for your commission; but I do take thee, Orlando, for my husband: there's a girl goes before the priest; and certainly a woman's thought runs before her ac- tions.	145
ORLANDO	So do all thoughts; they are winged.
ROSALIND	Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.	150
ORLANDO	For ever and a day.
ROSALIND	Say 'a day,' without the 'ever.' No, no, Orlando; men are April when they woo, December when they wed: maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary cock-pigeon over his hen, more clamorous than a parrot against rain, more new-fangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires than a monkey: I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry; I will laugh like a hyen, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.	155 160
ORLANDO	But will my Rosalind do so?	165
ROSALIND	By my life, she will do as I do.
ORLANDO	O, but she is wise.
ROSALIND	Or else she could not have the wit to do this: the wiser, the waywarder: make the doors upon a woman's wit and it will out at the casement; shut that and 'twill out at the key-hole; stop that, 'twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.	170
ORLANDO	A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say 'Wit, whither wilt?'	175
ROSALIND	Nay, you might keep that cheque for it till you met your wife's wit going to your neighbour's bed.
ORLANDO	And what wit could wit have to excuse that?	180
ROSALIND	Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer, unless you take her without her tongue. O, that woman that cannot make her fault her hus- band's occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool!	185
ORLANDO	For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.
ROSALIND	Alas! dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.	190
ORLANDO	I must attend the duke at dinner: by two o'clock I will be with thee again.
ROSALIND	Ay, go your ways, go your ways; I knew what you would prove: my friends told me as much, and I thought no less: that flattering tongue of yours won me: 'tis but one cast away, and so, come, death! Two o'clock is your hour?	195
ORLANDO	Ay, sweet Rosalind.
ROSALIND	By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical break- promise and the most hollow lover and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind that may be chosen out of the gross band of the unfaithful: therefore beware my censure and keep your promise.	200 205
ORLANDO	With no less religion than if thou wert in- deed my Rosalind: so adieu.	210
ROSALIND	Well, Time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let Time try: adieu.
	[Exit ORLANDO]
CELIA	You have simply misused our sex in your love- prate: we must have your doublet and hose plucked over your head, and show the world what the bird hath done to her own nest.	215
ROSALIND	O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love! But it cannot be sounded: my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the bay of Portugal.	220
CELIA	Or rather, bottomless, that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out.
ROSALIND	No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot of thought, conceived of spleen and born of madness, that blind rascally boy that abuses every one's eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I'll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight of Orlando: I'll go find a shadow and sigh till he come.	225 230
CELIA	And I'll sleep.
	[Exeunt]