Act 5, scene 4

  Act V  Scene IV The forest.  
  [Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER,
and CELIA]		  
DUKE SENIOR Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
Can do all this that he hath promised?		  
ORLANDO I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.		  
  [Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE]  
ROSALIND Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged:
You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
You will bestow her on Orlando here?		 5
DUKE SENIOR That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.  
ROSALIND And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?  
ORLANDO That would I, were I of all kingdoms king. 10
ROSALIND You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing?  
PHEBE That will I, should I die the hour after.  
ROSALIND But if you do refuse to marry me,
You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?		  
PHEBE So is the bargain. 15
ROSALIND You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will?  
SILVIUS Though to have her and death were both one thing.  
ROSALIND I have promised to make all this matter even.
Keep you your word, O duke, to give your
daughter;
You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter:
Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd:
Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her.
If she refuse me: and from hence I go,
To make these doubts all even.

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  [Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA]  
DUKE SENIOR I do remember in this shepherd boy
Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.		  
ORLANDO My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
Methought he was a brother to your daughter:
But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
Whom he reports to be a great magician,
Obscured in the circle of this forest.
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  [Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]  
JAQUES There is, sure, another flood toward, and these
couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of
very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called
fools.		  
TOUCHSTONE Salutation and greeting to you all! 40
JAQUES Good my lord, bid him welcome:
this is the motley-minded gentleman that I have so
often met in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he
swears.		  
TOUCHSTONE If any man doubt that, let him put me to
my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; 
I have been politic with my friend,
smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three
tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have
fought one.		 45




50
JAQUES And how was that ta'en up?  
TOUCHSTONE Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was
upon the seventh cause.		  
JAQUES How seventh cause? Good my lord, like
this fellow.
55
DUKE SENIOR I like him very well.  
TOUCHSTONE God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I
press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country
copulatives, to swear and to forswear: according as
marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor virgin, sir,
an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else
will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor
house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.


60
DUKE SENIOR By my faith, he is very swift and sententious. 65
TOUCHSTONE According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such
dulcet diseases.		  
JAQUES But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the
quarrel on the seventh cause?
70
TOUCHSTONE









Upon a lie seven times removed:--bear
your body more seeming, Audrey:--as thus, sir. I
did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard: he
sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he
was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort
Courteous. If I sent him word again 'it was not well
cut,' he would send me word, he cut it to please
himself: this is called the Quip Modest. If again 'it
was not well cut,' he disabled my judgment: this is
called the Reply Churlish. If again 'it was not well
cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this is called
the Reproof Valiant. If again 'it was not well cut,' he
would say I lied: this is called the Counter-cheque
Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie Circumstantial
and the Lie Direct.



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JAQUES And how oft did you say his beard was not well
cut?		  
TOUCHSTONE I durst go no further than the Lie Circum-
stantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and
so we measured swords and parted.

90
JAQUES Can you nominate in order now the degrees of
the lie?		  
TOUCHSTONE







O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as
you have books for good manners: I will name you
the degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous; the
second, the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply
Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the
fifth, the Countercheque Quarrelsome; the sixth,
the Lie with Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie
Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie Direct;
and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew
when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but
when the parties were met themselves, one of them
thought but of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said
so;' and they shook hands and swore brothers.
Your If is the only peacemaker; much virtue in
If.

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JAQUES Is not this a rare fellow, my lord?
he's as good at any thing and yet a fool.		  
DUKE SENIOR He uses his folly like a stalking-horse
and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit.		 110
  [Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA]  
  [Still Music]  
HYMEN


Then is there mirth in heaven,
When earthly things made even
Atone together.
Good duke, receive thy daughter
Hymen from heaven brought her,
Yea, brought her hither,
That thou mightst join her hand with his
Whose heart within his bosom is.


115
ROSALIND [To DUKE SENIOR] To you I give myself, for I am yours. 120
  [To ORLANDO]  
  To you I give myself, for I am yours.  
DUKE SENIOR If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.  
ORLANDO If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.  
PHEBE If sight and shape be true,
Why then, my love adieu!
125
ROSALIND I'll have no father, if you be not he:
I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not
she.		  
HYMEN









Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange events:
Here's eight that must take hands
To join in Hymen's bands,
If truth holds true contents.
You and you no cross shall part:
You and you are heart in heart
You to his love must accord,
Or have a woman to your lord:
You and you are sure together,
As the winter to foul weather.
Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
Feed yourselves with questioning;
That reason wonder may diminish,
How thus we met, and these things finish.		 130




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  SONG.
Wedding is great Juno's crown:
O blessed bond of board and bed!
'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
High wedlock then be honoured:
Honour, high honour and renown,
To Hymen, god of every town!




150
DUKE SENIOR O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.		  
PHEBE I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
155
  [Enter JAQUES DE BOYS]  
JAQUES DE BOYS









Let me have audience for a word or two:
I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
In his own conduct, purposely to take
His brother here and put him to the sword:
And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;
Where meeting with an old religious man,
After some question with him, was converted
Both from his enterprise and from the world,
His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
And all their lands restored to them again
That were with him exiled. This to be true,
I do engage my life.



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DUKE SENIOR







Welcome, young man;
Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
To one his lands withheld, and to the other
A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
First, in this forest, let us do those ends
That here were well begun and well begot:
And after, every of this happy number
That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
Shall share the good of our returned fortune,
According to the measure of their states.
Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity
And fall into our rustic revelry.
Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all,
With measure heap'd in joy, to the measures fall.


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JAQUES Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
The duke hath put on a religious life
And thrown into neglect the pompous court?		  
JAQUES DE BOYS He hath.  
JAQUES To him will I : out of these convertites
There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.		 190
  [To DUKE SENIOR]  
  You to your former honour I bequeath;
Your patience and your virtue well deserves it:		  
  [To ORLANDO]  
  You to a love that your true faith doth
merit:
195
  [To OLIVER]  
  You to your land and love and great
allies:		  
  [To SILVIUS]  
  You to a long and well-deserved bed:  
  [To TOUCHSTONE]  
  And you to wrangling; for thy
loving voyage
Is but for two months victuall'd. So, to your
pleasures:
I am for other than for dancing measures.
200
DUKE SENIOR Stay, Jaques, stay.  
JAQUES To see no pastime I what you would have
I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave.		 205
  [Exit]  
DUKE SENIOR Proceed, proceed: we will begin these rites,
As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.		  
  [A dance]  
                                  

 

  
  EPILOGUE  
ROSALIND
















It is not the fashion to see the lady the
epilogue; but it is no more unhandsome than to see
the lord the prologue. If it be true that good wine
needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no
epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes,
and good plays prove the better by the help of good
epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am neither
a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with you in
the behalf of a good play! I am not furnished like a
beggar, therefore to beg will not become me: my
way is to conjure you; and I'll begin with the
women. I charge you, O women, for the love you
bear to men, to like as much of this play as please
you: and I charge you, O men, for the love you bear
to women--as I perceive by your simpering, none
of you hates them--that between you and the
women the play may please. If I were a woman I
would kiss as many of you as had beards that
pleased me, complexions that liked me and breaths
that I defied not: and, I am sure, as many as have
good beards or good faces or sweet breaths will, for
my kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.



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  [Exeunt]